ON BEING FAT

i was overweight once.

i don't know if i was obese, but i sure was chubby.

my waistline was 36 i guess, i weighed around 195lbs at some point. i couldn't even close the top button of shirts, and wear neckties. it was pathetic.

anyways, out of sheer pity for myself i started to work ot and jog before my college graduation. my buddy kit helped motivate me, and we sorta had a contest on how much weight we'd lose before graduation and the summer. anyways so i managed to reach 160 lbs by graduation, and shaved my all my hair off out of a dare from a photographer friend.

i have to be honest that keeping the weight down is a struggle. i have been yo-yo dieting the past year, and at those times that am dieting it felt bad. every time i got booked or fit into the clothes that i wanted it felt sooo good though.


after the extreme diet and disappointment i went through last summer i gained 220 fucking pounds. it sucks.. it really does. i feel like all that i worked for is gone and it's all my fault. I'm basically jobless right now, and i won't go to castings. it's a little heartbreaking., especially when most of my friend are doing so well and i know i could have done better if i haven't gained the weight.

tomorrow, i will jog like i never jogged before.LOL.


i need a good change in my life. i honestly don't have any clear motivation right now, but i guess all the questions in my head will eb answered when i stop being a pig and started to do something good in my life again.


am keeping up the positive vibes, as long as i can.